FOUR FOR FRIDAY 36: SELF
“Where are you going? What is your north star? With so much noise in the world it is vital to find who you want to become, stay steadfast in that and leave the rest.”
-Anonymous
About once or twice a year, I’ve had the honor of going out on retreat with these guys and leading the men’s group portion. Fishing the Good Fight was founded in 2019 by a couple of now-good friends of mine, Baker Arenas and Jennings Hester. The idea was simple: pair fly fishing with men’s mental health.
How did they do it? One thing led to another—Jim and a few others jumped in to help—and before long, retreats were being scheduled for men. During these retreats, volunteers lead fly fishing how-to’s, while myself and other clinicians guide our men’s groups. We usually hold 1–2 groups per day over the weekend.
These retreats have truly touched me. Each one is different, and it’s always extraordinary to witness men from different backgrounds, upbringings, and cultures come together—to process, eat meals, get real, and go fly fishing.
I highly encourage you to check out this organization and everything they’re doing. Beyond our summer and fall retreats, there are in-person fly tying nights where guys can bond over the sport and conversation, and monthly Off The Water Nights led by mental health professionals.
I love this organization and what it stands for. I feel deeply honored to be a part of this growing family.
2. Recent Endeavor : Mt. Hood
This mountain sucked. It was long, cold, steep, and relentless. We started at midnight and didn’t finish until around noon—12 grueling hours up and down a frozen beast of a mountain.
What did I take away from this endeavor? As we clipped in our crampons, gripped our ice axes, and sipped cold coffee while the wind blasted our faces, I was reminded of two things: that we’re capable of so much more than we think… and that we should be careful what we say yes to.
Careful not in a fearful way, but selective. Because if you're not mindful of what you say yes to, life will choose for you—and it might drop you somewhere you didn’t plan to be. A quote I love came to mind: “Choose, or life will choose for you.”
This climb reminded me of the power of choice. My “yes” brought me to the tallest mountain in Oregon. But it also took me away from everything else for 12 hours. That’s the trade-off. Every “yes” leads you somewhere—and pulls you away from something else.
So the question becomes: Is this what you really want? Choose wisely where you place your yes’s.
3. Reframing Negative Cognitions
One of the exercises we did this weekend—one of my favorites—is something I call rewriting the narrative.
It starts simple: grab a piece of paper and write down one negative cognition you’re carrying. For example, the one I used in our men’s group this past weekend was:
“I’m incompetent.”
Next to it, I label it clearly: Negative Cognition.
Then underneath, I begin to rewrite my story. This is where the shift starts to happen.
Underneath that statement, I write the reality of the situation. For me, it might look like this:
“I’m definitely not incompetent. If anything, I do my damndest to keep learning. I read. I got through undergrad and grad school. I work with men and teens for a living. I can hold meaningful conversations and explore thoughtful ideas. I’m not incompetent—actually, I’ve worked hard to broaden my intelligence.”
That’s just one example.
After writing the new, truer narrative, I cross out the original negative cognition. Because once I’ve taken the time to look at it clearly, I can see it’s no longer true. The reframe becomes my reality.
From there, I sit with it for a moment and take it in. If another negative thought pops up, I do the same thing: write it down, challenge it, and reframe it into something more aligned with who I really am.
I love this exercise because it’s something you can do anywhere, anytime. Open your phone, jot down the negative belief, and write the truth underneath. You can even keep a running log in one note—something you can return to and reflect on over time. You might be surprised just how much you’ve grown, and how powerful your new narrative has become.
4. Rule #4 In The Four Agreements
One of my all-time favorites is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. He does an incredible job explaining four essential aspects of living a “good life.”
One that always sticks with me is Agreement #4: “Always do your best.”
What I love about this is the reminder that my best is always changing. My best on a Monday might look completely different from my best on a Sunday—but if I truly gave it my all in each moment, that’s what counts. That’s what stands the test of time.
The real question isn’t, “Was it perfect?” or “Was it better than someone else’s?”
It’s simply: Did I try my best?
Enough with the comparisons. Your best is what matters. That’s all we can ever really do.
