FOUR FOR FRIDAY 52: RELATIONSHIPS
“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”
-African Proverb
FOURM: On Relationships
Relationships are some of the richest teachers we have. They hold up mirrors, test our patience, stretch our capacity to love, and remind us that connection is both a gift and a practice. This month’s FOURM is a reflection on the small but powerful ways we can show up more intentionally for the people in our lives — and for ourselves in the process.
From simply reaching out, to learning how to bend without breaking, to staying true to who we are while still meshing with another, to the daily act of acknowledgment — these four reflections explore how relationships can become a space for growth, gratitude, and genuine connection.
1. Just Reaching Out
I’ve talked about this before, but sometimes trying to plan time with the people I care about can actually stress me out. I don’t know if you’ve felt that too, the endless back-and-forth of scheduling, aligning calendars, and trying to make things work.
Something I once heard that’s really stuck with me is simple: just reach out. When someone crosses your mind, reach out. If a call feels right, give them a call and leave a voicemail. Or if you’re more like me, a quick text can be a good place to start.
In my own life, I’ve realized that the pressure to coordinate and plan can get in the way of genuine connection. It’s funny, something so simple can start to feel so heavy. But when I focus less on planning and more on reaching out, I find a lot more joy. If the timing works out to grab coffee, FaceTime, or hop on a call, great. If not, that’s okay too. The important thing is the small act of connection.
Scheduling feels like part of adulthood. Everyone's got their own routines, families, and responsibilities. I’m learning that it’s almost “immature” to expect someone to hangout on a whim like we used to in high school or college. Those were the days when connection was more spontaneous. Now, it takes more intention and that’s okay.
These are the kinds of lessons you learn by living, not from a textbook. So, my advice if worthwhile (to myself and anyone reading) is simple: just reach out. It’s one of the easiest ways to keep the flame alive in your relationships — with friends, family, acquaintances, and loved ones alike.
2. Bending & Compromise
This idea of compromise has been sitting heavy on my mind lately. Maybe it’s because, much like dancing, compromise is really a series of small, continuous adjustments to meet another person where they are.
In my own relationships, I’ve learned that compromise rarely means “I win” or “I get my way.” More often, it’s a small sacrifice for the greater good — even if that means my immediate wants take a back seat.
That said, there’s a fine line here. Compromise shouldn’t mean losing yourself or giving up what brings you joy. It’s not about abandoning what lights you up inside for the sake of keeping peace. It’s about bending, not breaking.
To me, bending means staying true to your values and your vision for life, while still being open enough to adjust, to listen, to meet the other person halfway — and for them to do the same. The space between two people, between two needs, is what I call the grey area. That’s where compromise lives. It’s not black or white, and there’s usually a lot of room to land somewhere in between.
Patience and adaptability are key here. Compromise asks for creativity — the kind that comes from curiosity and a willingness to explore new ways of relating. In my experience (and even in the research), creativity is one of the most essential places to operate from in terms of growth and flourishing. It’s where we find awe, connection, and possibility.
Think of it like a bamboo tree — flexible, resilient, willing to bend with the wind but never breaking under it. When we bend too far, when we sacrifice too much of ourselves, that’s when resentment starts to grow — and resentment can quietly erode even the strongest relationships.
So, the practice is this: stay true to what’s real and honest within you, and at the same time, look for that shared middle ground — that living, breathing space where both people can belong.
3. Find Your Tribe
In my experience, relationships should help you grow. But “growth” is an ambiguous word — it can look a lot of different ways. To me, growth in relationships happens when it’s paired with self-work and self-knowledge.
If you don’t know yourself — what you desire, what brings you a deep sense of being and belonging, what lights you on fire — relationships can become confusing. When we’re unsure of what energizes us or makes us feel alive, it’s hard to find the environments and people that can help nourish that flame.
The more I learn, the clearer it becomes: for relationships to truly thrive, both people need to know their individual interests and burning desires. Once those are named (and continually revisited), relationships can actually strengthen and expand them. They can take that small inner flame and help it grow — through family, friendship, and love.
As Alan Watts once asked, “What do you desire?”
I encourage you to sit with that question and answer it honestly. Then, ask yourself: Who else might desire something similar?
Here’s something that’s helped me — find the environments where people with similar passions already gather.
Like photography? Join a Meetup or Eventbrite group.
Into art? Take a class once a week or a month, or check out a local gallery or a First Friday event on Santa Fe in Denver.
Love working out? Compliment someone at the gym — that one moment could turn into a shared lift, then maybe a friendship outside the gym.
These small actions can lead to big connections. As the saying goes, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”
To me, that’s what it means to keep your identity while still being willing to mesh — to hold onto who you are, while staying open to the beauty that can unfold when your fire meets someone else’s.
4. Daily Acknowledgments
Praise your tribe.
What we speak highly of grows. I remind myself (and others) often: what you have, give. Love begets love. Envy begets envy. Whatever energy we put out tends to find its way back.
A small practice my partner and I recently started has been powerful in its simplicity. Each night at dinner — when we sit down to eat together — we share two things:
What we’re grateful for from the day.
What we’re grateful for in each other.
It’s a daily acknowledgment of what we see and appreciate. In the past, I found it was easy to forget or leave those things unspoken. But this little ritual helps the good grow. It shines light on what’s often overlooked and invites more awareness, tenderness, and connection into the relationship.
I highly recommend trying it.
Another simple challenge I’ve been working on is to give one genuine compliment during conversations throughout the day. Nothing forced — just an intentional effort to notice and name something positive in another person. You don’t need to do it perfectly or every single time; it’s more about the spirit of the practice.
Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others. It feels good — for you and for them.
So that’s my challenge to you: try one (or both) of these practices and see how they shift the energy in your relationships. A little acknowledgment goes a long way.
Closing Reflection
At the heart of it all, relationships are about practice — not perfection. They ask for our presence, patience, and participation. Whether it’s the courage to reach out, the flexibility to compromise, the awareness to stay true to who we are, or the intention to acknowledge what’s good, each act builds a stronger thread of connection.
If there’s a takeaway from this FOURM, it’s that love — in all its forms — is an active verb. It grows when we tend to it, even in small, simple ways. So this week, try one thing: reach out,
